I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
