hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
