He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize