How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
