hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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