on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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