No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
please come you make the beer taste better
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
