some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
