Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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