Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
