my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
