i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
