oh god the rape fog is back!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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