I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
