Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently you make a good broom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
