He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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