I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
