Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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