I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
