Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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