This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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