So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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