some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
