Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
