I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
3 2 1 whiskey
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
