I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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