Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
