i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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