I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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