I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
