forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
