marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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