Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
