So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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