why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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