I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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