Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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