I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
