so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He better not be in your backpack
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize