The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
