I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
