he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
