Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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