I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize