I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
