Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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