I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
