Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
