I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
