Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
