i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
