went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
