Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
