Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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