yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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