my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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