Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
