guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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