Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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