I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
someone owes me an orgasm
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
