sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
