end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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