Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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