the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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