Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
