Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
