you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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