Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
