Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
