If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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