I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize