hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
