"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
